Tuesday, March 13, 2012

update to the Eagermetric Studies


I apologize for the delay in the release of this next set of results. The original intention was to consider the eagermetric study a closed case, however popular desire from the viewers demands I continue the study. The cold case must be solved. After a 2 year delay in the study, One can confirm that the Gertius Primus (Latin for Gert) remains eager on a continual basis. During the release of the Naughty Dog video game Uncharted 3, Gertius Primus had such an extensive chain of eager moments throughout a period of 24 hours that a the Gertius Primus had a single eager frenzy. For those not so familiar regarding measurement terms on the eagermetric scale, an eager frenzy is equivalent to 100 eager moments per 24 hours. The Gertius Primus peak of 2010 was 72 eager moments/24 hours, so one can conclude that associations with Naughty Dog's Uncharted series result in eager frenzies from the Gertius Primus. The Gertius Primus holds true to his statement that he has never partook in pelvic health maintenance, therefore the study concludes that excess containment of hormonic enzymes can cause eagermetric levels to increase in the Gertius Primus.

Here is an updated list of Gertian Vocabulary:
Gertia: believed to be the mother world of the Gertian species
Gertian: a species identifiable by a semi-albino, eager, predatorial humanoid appearance
Gert: a male member of the Gertian species
Gertrude: a female member of the Gertian species
Gertmobile: the most common method of transportation for the Gertian species, takes the appearance of a 2003 Black Pontiac Grand Am
Eager moment: a brief period when a gert becomes direly eager regarding any particular subject
Eager Frenzy: a unit of measurement on the eagermetric scale to classify 100 eager moments within a period of 24 hours
RAAAARARRRAAARR!: uninterpreted sounds believed to be the language of a Gertian commoner
Death Glare: a discomforting expression of hatred exhibited by Gerts when angry or dissappointed in a human associate
Velociraptor: a genus of dromaesaurid theropod dinosaur that existed approximately 75 to 71 million years ago during the later part of the Cretaceous period. Three species of Velociraptor are believed to have existed:
1. Mongoliensis
2. Osmolskae
3. Gertius Cupidus

Notice: If the Gertius Primus reacts to the release of this information in the same manner as the 2010 release of information, The head scientist may be obliterated by a single muscle of the Gertius Primus, delaying future updates to the Eagermetric study.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Jackolope Curiousity


I recently truly believed that Jackolopes actually existed. I heard rumors that they lived around the state of wyoming. After researching for quite some time, I can finally say that sadly the Jackolope is NOT REAL. I realized that the jackolope was just a myth started in the Western parts of America, and that the myth was spread in local taverns. I shall now cry deeply and pay my mom the 5 bucks I owe her, because my retarded mind thought the Jackolope was a plausible creature :(

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

The Ultimate Nerd Poem

A quad core processor loading fast
There’s no way I would leave her last
A 50 inch monitor with a high def. screen
I’m pretty sure she is a dream


She’s the one who makes my heart hover
She protects me like a deployable cover
Like marines, she’ll help me kill
The covenant and flood against our love will


The thousands of gold in my bag
She’s the healer of my 40 man raid
Worth more than honor from Alterac Valley
but why me, a protection pally

Monday, January 14, 2008




They forgot Me!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

my version of the American Anthem

America
our home and naive land
true idiotic love
in all replubican command
with glowing farts
our kids get hives
our true north has no snow
from fat to skinny
America
will sit on bush's knee
god sold our land
bush set us free
America
we sit on bush's knee
America
we sit on bush's kneeeeeee!